1.Middle Aged Mum
I'm not sure this is the direction I wanted to be going in
And I'm not just talking about Preston
Gregory seems so distant granted he's in Iraq
I never should've talked him into expanding his filled potato
business
All the children are grown up
And I don't know if they need their mama anymore
All the children are grown up
And I don't know if they need their mama anymore
All I've had today is a lamington
So upset
I come from the school of soft hugs
Perhaps I should go back to TAFE
There's shopping to be done
And the children oh do they need their mama？
All I have is the budgie
He's off his cruskits
I'll hire a caravan we can go camping
You can bring the kids
We'll do our dancing
I'm not sure this is the direction I wanted to be going in
And I'm not just talking about backwards
Oh they need their mama
Penelope she never writes to me
Granted she does send forwards of funny cats
It must be this Margaret Atwood novel making me cry
Last night I dreamt I was making a salad for Andre Rieu
And I was making a real mess of it
God
Oh c'mon Gwen
Oh c'mon Gwen
Now and then you can give into these feelings
But now c'mon Gwen
All I've had today is a lemonade
And a lamington
I'm going to Flemington to buy a Lady Remington
Oh I love my life
All the children are grown up
And I don't know if they need their mama anymore
All the children are grown up
And I don't know if they need their mama anymore
I suppose it was all for the best
AMWAY
Perhaps I could sell some Avon
I do use a lot of facial cream
2.We Are Tramily
Welcome to the 86
Next stop dodge town
Look around gee what a kerfuffle
It's like god took Melbourne
And just hit shuffle
It's all Dunlop volleys
10am long necks
No crims
But a long list of suspects
Punks and geeks
Asians greeks
Hipster derelict
Guest Kiwi of the week
T to the RAM to the eight six izzle
Have another grizzle
No one gives a shizzle
If looks could kill then I've just been punched
By a bunch that eats credit crunch for brunch
There's girls in birkas call centre workers
Professional lurkers and welfare shirkers
If all the worlds a stage then I'm watching Cosi
Got a good possie
Aussie! Aussie! Aussie!
Eminem's on my ipod right on there's a fight on
Like a nightclub with lights on
Bloke's goin ape oh great
Apparently the tram braked
Now he's gone and dropped his milkshake
Eighty six
Personality gambling
You can choose your friends
But you can't choose your tramily
These are my stops
These are my seats
This is my tram
These are my beats
Situation's grim but I grin
I fit in like a nun with a hymn
Like a derro with a dimsim
There's always someone worse off than you
Well here's a motley crew
With perspective to boot
I sponsor a guy doing the 40 Hour Famine
He's wearing a shirt that says Tragic Happens
De facto's scrap bout how much they sold their pram for
The baby's in a beanbag strapped to a skateboard
There's a budding Davinci
Living and breathing his art in a bag
Yeah a budding retard
Indigenous land rights spill onto the street
An Aboriginal tells a bloke to get out of his seat
The suit gets booted
Says this route is routed
The pamphlet stand has been totally looted
The smell and the swearing
Sharing is caring
Glum and the glaring
Johnny is blaring yeah
You're the voice try and understand it
You're the voice try and understand shit
The great unwashed are in mass transit
Girls turn pink the elderly shrink
As we sit on the brink of Howl's Moving Centrelink
These are my rails
These are my streets
This is my tram
These are my beats
Everybody in the house c'mon and let me hear you say
ding
Everybody in the house c'mon and let me hear you say
Ding ding ding
(where's me lunch around here？ You took it you dog)
I hope I'm not too cynical
Or hypocritical
My white middle class guilt levels are critical
I remember the words said to me by my mother
Gotta learn to love yourself
Before you can love others
I wish everyone would just rap all the time
Whatever's on their mind
We'd have a better time
MC Daz and the school girl posse
I can see it all now on Mel and Kochie
Bundoora to Docklands
Check the ghettos
Fish and chips op shops and servos
I'm rolling with my homeless homies refugees
A hot chick her friend
And a mum who's lonely
To the CBD yeah you know me
Got my hood down
And my feet on the seat
This is my tram
This is my crew
One thing's for shiz
I wish it had a loo yeah
(It's not a bad tune)
Now I'm doing my washing
Underpants are moshing
Separating the colours and the whites
Then I realise that's what causes all the fights
Throw them in together
Let the colours run forever
And we'll wear the white pink socks of peace
(I lost one of me shoes)
3.Sudanese
I come from a place very far away
Footscray
I moved there to escape a place of great poverty and violence
Collingwood
I like Melbourne but feel that I am judged by my colour
The colour of my scarf
I went with red and black
But it is the same here as in my homeland
No one likes the bombers
I recently gained permanent residency
Kevin Rudd has made the process more relaxed
I had to learn about crabsticks
The word reckon
And listen to You Am I's early stuff
I am trying to understand Australian culture
My friend described it as basically America
With Milo and possums
There are many misconceptions about my continent
If we see a coke bottle we don't freak out
And no animals are voiced by Chris Rock
I must get used to the language differences here
A drumstick is an icecream
A pot is a beer
And god is a disgraced footballer
Who knew？
I also have some trouble with predictive text
I tried to text my relative and said hello aunt
But it came out very different
I watched Baz Luhman's Australia
But I learned more from The Castle
One day I hope to go to Bonnie Doon
It is not easy getting used to a new home
But if home is where the heart is
Then I wear my heart on my sleeve
So everyone is welcome to visit
4.Trishine
Words can get fucked
They can't explain my love for you
Feelings and shit and that and yeah nah and so forth
My heart's been kicked out of bounds on the full
Words are shithouse
The alphabet's a poof
I've cried till my eyes are as dry as a dead dingo's donga
Seems years since I bowled a maiden over
Oh Trishine
I'm the ute and you're the diesel
Oh Trishine
I'm the bowl and you're the Cheezels
You had me at show us your dick
Words have got nothing
They can onomatopissoff
You left me up shit creek without a paddle
No one tells you bout shit waterfall
Flowing into shit sea
Why d'ya have to change the locks？
Why d'ya have to change the locks？
Fuckin keychange
Why don't you answer when I knock？
We're like two peas in a pod
We were a ball of socks
And now I'm odd
5.Interlewd
6.Northcote (So Hungover)
Hello. Oh hey Joel how you going？ Ya. I'm just on a, uh, tram,
just really hungover. Hey, you know that um, band competition we
went in, So You Think You Can Copy？ Yeah, we won man! Yeah we
got a record contract out of it. We're with like Independent
Records, they're like an off-shoot of Sony. Ya we have to make
like one over-hyped album, we get uh, Molly Meldrum kudos, Rage
guest programming rights, a memory stick full of Myspace friends
and we can write the soundtrack to an ad of our choice. Na man
we haven't sold out, we've still got creative control. Oh, our
t-shirts, yeah extra smalls have gone. We like changed our name
too, we're like Rage Against The Sewing Machine, we're all about
anger and fashion. How is your album going？ Yeah you laid down
some tracks？ Oh, actual tracks, for Connex？ Yeah right. I guess
you've got to pay for the studio hire huh？ What's it called
again？ 'Z-sides and Demos.' What's a greatest hits concept EP？
Nothing but secret tracks. Yeah right. Are you worried about
people burning it？ I meant in a fire. Hey, did I mention we
picked up a grant？ Yeah, Grant Taylor, our bass player. We
picked him up from the side of the road, he was like passed out.
Ya, we had to deal with an agent and everything. Demestos
mainly, he was in pretty bad shape.
RIDING AROUND ON THE 86, SO HUNGOVER.
GONNA GO DOWN TO JB HIFI, FLICK THROUGH INDIE.
Ya so um, last night we supported uh, Pose Tattoo, like they're
fronted by Sad Sanderson down at the Fitzroy anti-social club.
Ya. It was alright man but you know the mixing was really bad.
Like, my G ＆ T didn't even have lemon in it. You know like the
band's really gelling, like our hair, it's just like we're going
through an 80's thing at the moment. Anyway man sorry I couldn't
come to your gig the other night, I just didn't really want to
go. How was it？ Ya, you smashed up your gear afterwards, that's
pretty rock. Oh, in a car accident, yeah right, that's not so
good man. Hey I had to go to hospital the other day too. It's
these new jeans man. I just couldn't get my wallet out. Yeah.
They had to cut me out. A local anesthetic.
RIDING AROUND ON THE 86, SO HUNGOVER.
GONNA GO DOWN TO PONY, PRETEND I'M IN KINGS OF LEON.
Ya, I just, I'm really busy you know, I've just got so much on
my plate. I got this uh, tofu salad and it's just going
everywhere man. You know this whole like record contract and
stuff I just, I don't want it to go to my head you know the last
thing I wanna do is become like a cliched character. Anyway man
I better go I'm like running out of street credit but um, ya,
it's a shame you can't come to my party. I know, I just didn't
invite you though. Laterz.
7.Irish Girl
Dear god thank you for blessing us with this beautiful day
A day of which I'll see none of as I go to work onboard a packed
tram
After four hours sleep thanks to my hippy neighbours impromptu
bush doof
Reconciled with an apology note written in the dust
On the back window of my Corolla
Which you continue to smiteth with clutch problems
Thankyou god for creating me in your image
By the way in the bible it never mentioned you were short
Or an Irish girl
Meaning I'm the perfect dimensions to be the meat in an ipod
sandwich
Getting guitar from one song and vocals from another
Creating the new band Madonnica
I can only see in mono but smell in stereo
Nothing says good morning like an elbow in the tits from a
flatulent accountant
Dear god thankyou for bestowing me with this razor sharp wit
Which guys find so memorising
Till the six month mark of the relationship when they deem me
too negative
Which is boy code for I think I've got a window with this so
called friend
I've secretly had a crush on for years
PS I only pretended to like Death Cab For Cutie
Your breasts are weird and your risotto's on the gluggy side
I can't cut up the photos of us because they're all on Facebook
But I can still retag you arsehole
Arsehole
Dear god thankyou for sending me the charismatic yet flaky best
friend
Who convinced me to come to Australia for a year
Only to bail out after two weeks cos she's homesick
She wanted to get back with her UK boyfriend
Because in certain light he looked like and could actually be
Pete Doherty
God only you yourself know why I've been here three years
Realising my potential as a temping superstar
Thankyou Seek dotcom it turns out funky young workplace means
call centre
And exciting new opportunities means drifting through the mall
handing out pamphlets Dressed as a giant marsupial
Disenfranchised？
I'm dissin' franchises all the time
Hey Starbucks
Get fucked
Dear god I know you work in mysterious ways
But you should realise we're pretty shit detectives
In the absence of any discernible proof bar a few sunsets and
orgasms
I'd like to think you're there for me in a Santa kind of way
For Christmas I'd like a job in a bookstore
A yoga instructor boyfriend
And the ability to get my period before or after music festivals
Seriously it's about time you got involved
For God's sake stop embarrassing all the Christians
In the name of the father the son and the holy spirit
For the love of God
8.Tram Inspector
Uh, Uh, Uh
Uh, Uh, Uh
I'm the tram inspector
Uh, Uh, Uh
Uh, Uh, Uh
I'm the tram inspector
Baby I'm the tram inspector
My heart is a lie detector
Buy a ticket and I will respect ya'
Fare evade, I will eject ya'
Uh, Uh
I'm a tram inspector
Come on baby dont make it hard
Show me you concession card
No use thinkin', no excuses
I'm the boy the girl seduces
Have you been a naughty girl？
Have you been a naughty girl？
Have you been a naughty girl？
Have you been a Naughty, Naughty, Naughty girl
Working hard for Yarra Trams
I'll write a ticket for your pram
Dont care if you start to cry
Emotions aint no alibi
Uh, Uh
I'm the tram inspector
I think my mouth is salivating
Girl, you just aint validating
I'm reaching for my ticket book
I've never caught myself such a sexy crook
Have you been a naughty girl？
Have you been a naughty girl？
Have you been a naughty girl？
Have you been a naughty girl？
Baby what's your number
Baby what's your number
Gonna have to ring your brother
Gonna have to ring your mother
Dont know what I do, what I do, what I do, I do
Maybe it's cos my baby left me on a tram
Now every time I climb on board
I want every girl to hurt like I hurt
So hurt being
I'm so hurt being
Gonna have to write you a ticket girl
That's right G, I got my pen out now
It would be a shame to waste my ink
I'm a tram inspector
Aw come on G dont get angry
This is for your own good
I gotta teach you a lesson girl
gotta come down hard on you
You know you're in the wrong girl
Uh, Uh, Uh
Uh, Uh, Uh
I'm the tram inspector
Uh, Uh, Uh
Uh, Uh, Uh
I'm the tram inspector
Oh yeah fade it down right about now.
9.Man On A Tram
Hello
Yeah I am
Just on a tram
Man on a tram
Man on a tram I am
Man on a tram with a player caled Stan from Pran, From Pran I am
Talking bout shares, gettin' lots of stares,
no-one really cares, my voice really blares
Big tram, slow tram,
do you wanna go tram？ Nah know what chu mean
wearing bad chinos, drinking cappucinos
smell like jalepenos came from the casino
Middle class, white arse,
Upper class, tight arse
Cars in the shop, taxi wouldnt stop
Hanging with the plebs, No-one's on their meds
Someone should call the feds, check the guy with the dreds
Go through his sheds, he's probobly cooking up some reds
Kids'll ingest end up on their deathbed, no doubt their heads
read
Righty-o better go
Lemme know if the CEO's a no show or no go
And See if the C O
C, O, P, S, R, E, A, C, P,？
Thanks Fi
Sell, Sell, Sell
Swell, Swell, Swell
Man on a tram
Man on a tram I am, Goddamn
Gotta scram there's a man called Sam scamming for a gram
And a madman grab and handful of ham
On the tram, going slow,
On the phone, what a man
Got to go
10.Song To Nod Off To
(Instrumental)
11.In My Day (Nan)
In my day we used to walk to school
Five miles in the snow
Cocaine was everywhere
In my day we ate toast from a can
From Japan
In my day when it was cold father'd hop into bed with you
And set fire to his beard
In my day children were seen but not heard
They'd died
They were all ghosts
But you still had to work
In my day things were better than they are now
Where am I？
We made food out of flour and water
It really put a damper on things
We played a board game called hard times
Where every square said
Go to war
In my day we couldn't afford punctuation
Mother I'm just going down to the river very well then
Was a typical conversation
In my day we kept sea horses and land whales
I think they're called cows now
In my day I rode a bicycle
Hooked up to a generator
Powering my life support
In my day
What's my name？
What's my name？
In my day we slept standing up
And ate upside down
You got tied to a bull and sent away
Whoever untied you
Well that's who you married
In my day we used to listen to ourselves on the radio
It wasn't even on
We weren't well
In my day there was a saying
Where there's smoke
There's salmon
In my day for Christmas we got a memory stick
It was just a stick and if you forgot something
Father'd hit you with it
In my day I knew where I lived
What's my name？
What's my name？
What's my name？
What's my name？
12.New Media
I work in New Media
I'm pretty damned important
Don't ask me to explain what I do
I don't work with words
Have you ever heard of sound art
I sincerely doubt you have
Some awful fax machine noises
going backwards, cat on a piano
Dad calls it self-unemployment
I call it being brave!
I'm changing the world
one non commissioned piece at a time
I'm on my way to a meeting
I having coffee with a guy
he's got projects
were gonna talk about our projects
High level stuff and things
I haven't had a shower
I slept in till eleven
I'm full of ideas
I'm so burdened with ideas
I cant get out of bed
Oh I work in New Media
Cross hybrid multi platform
I'll create an installation
You wont get it, that's the point
Oh I work in New Media
I wish I had my own private tram
I've got big plans
And I went to Uni
And I did Fine Arts
And look at me I've got projects
don't ask me what they are
I've got a data projector
And an Arts Space
It's full of boxes at the moment
But you should come around
I'll show you some stuff
It'll blow your little minds
I've got a short film called 'Journey'
It's an animated montage digital projection
of me giving birth to myself
Yeah, Pretty cool, huh？
I work in New Media
I live in fucking Melbourne
Do you realise where you are, look around
It's like New York with trams
It's like New York with trams
New York with trams
I can't explain what I do
I don't have to explain what I do, to you, do I
Look at you, Look at you
I've had these jeans on for six weeks
And this expression for hours
I lost my wallet, It's okay there's no money in it
Oh I work in New Media
Sure they did
Yeah I've got enough fucking clue
No I didn't buy a ticket
I was going to get off at the next stop
I'm honest. Ok.
Yes I understand there is a fine
Yeah I will tell you my address
But I work in new media.
Public transport should be free
Under a socialist government.
13.Old Man At End
I'm comin to the end of my tram ride
Not just talkin about Telstra Dome
I'm about to check in with the big tram inspector in the sky
When I get up there
He's gonna ask me if I've got a ticket
I'm gonna say my friend
My ticket is the lines on my face
He's gonna look into my eyes and say
I believe you
But don't forget to validate it
I'll give him me biggest grin
As I'm walkin past he'll
Reach down into me pocket
And pull out my hip flask
And I'll go shit
He'll say I'm afraid you can't take that in where you're going
Never mind
Plenty of fresh stuff in at the bar
In the bar will be all walks of life
With our lives checked in at the door well
We'll finally have a chance to sit down and have a yarn
Find out what the hell it was all about
Find out what the hell it was all about
Find out what the hell it was all about
I'm not sure this is the direction I wanted to be going in
You can choose your friends
But you can't choose your tramily
If home is where the heart is
Then I wear my heart on my sleeve
So everyone is welcome to visit
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